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"had to end" / garry
Song lyrics, added: 8/27/2008, Loss
 
Lyrics by: garry
Inspired by: own idea from my head
Viewed: 42 times
 
she`s so fragile
walkin` in the night
very agile
sure gave me a fright
sometimes pathways
send us round the bend
`n` i guess it had to end

v2
she`s the queen bee
sitting on a rose
smiling sweetly
with a sweet repose
if i lost you
only heaven knows
but i guess it had to end

v3
if you come back
i`ll be waiting here
in our love shack
nylon legs so sheer
thought i saw you
in your fancy gear
but i guess it had to end

end:- oh yeh i guess it had to end etc.
 
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Comments
Well I think this is really good! And if you work on it a little, I think you`d have a great transition from the "she to the "you". I think that change of addressing is really important to the spirit of your song, and it makes the last verse hit harder.
Posted by: Stephanie on 8/28/2008, 9:37 PM

The scope of the words is not clear. The lyric moves from "She" to "You" which is odd. It also shifts from future to past. "If I lost you" to "it had to end"

I do like the images the words portray though. It is a good start but it has to be cleaned up. Try to keep one tense and try to keep the lyric either a story about a girl (she), or a lyic directed at a girl (you).
-Cheers,
Joe
Posted by: Shmoe on 8/28/2008, 2:06 PM
This is nicely done. I especially like the lines: "she`s the queen bee/sitting on a rose/smiling sweetly/with a sweet repose"
Posted by: Gerald on 8/28/2008, 8:55 AM
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